Lady Mary Josephine Talbot, née Crawley.
She's a force.
When I began watching Downton Abbey years ago, her character resonated with me. Similar to my sibling make-up she's the oldest of three and often conflicted between tradition and innovation.
But immediately I recognized her character almost never smiled . . .
Yet she was elegant, industrious, and always taken seriously.
I loved it! I wanted to figure out how I could start to pattern this presence that represented the intersection of loveliness, strength, and femininity.
Throughout my career, I've always felt a need to smile (sometimes unnecessarily) because I needed to show things like approachableness, gratitude (often times I was invited to "the table"), and kindness.
What lady Mary showed me was gravitas, defined by the Oxford dictionary as "dignity, seriousness, or solemnity of manner" or by other sources as "A deep routed confidence without arrogance. The ability to challenge without being unnecessarily adversarial.”
This was something I knew I had to work on.
How?
Look the part
While you may not need to wear a floor length gown to dinner every night, we can learn a bit from "high society" or the aristocrats in how they show up in private and public.
To that point - show up. There's no need to hire a full-time stylist or designer, but think of these adjectives when going into the office:
- Well groomed
- Modest
- Professional
- Age Appropriate
- Clean
- Tasteful
- Attractive
- Polished
- Neat
- Balanced
- Sophisticated
If no looks come to mind, get on Pinterest and think of some of your favs which may include our Duchess Megan Markle, Olivia Pope, Michelle Obama, or the entire wardrobe from the Devil Wears Prada.
Don't forget nails, skin, & hair too in your comprehensive look.
Communication
Lady Mary was always clear, concise, and convincing.
Not only did she have the right words, she always knew the right time.
In the 21st century, we're not held to some of the strict communications preferences of the old days, but always think before you speak.
To be taken seriously, you have to be polished in your enunciation and diction of words. You also need to understand the flow of the language in the country in which you work. Even if you're a native speaker, are you from an area of the of the country where the local vernacular is not considered proper? If so, work to speak in a way that aligns to an executive style of communication.
You have to be willing to make changes so that the perception of your abilities won't be influenced by misconceptions or bias.
Everyone has bias. No matter how much diversity training leaders go through - it is what it is.
A true leader will take this as a data point and develop a strategy to win regardless.
Courage
My mind immediately goes to the episode where the Turkish guy dies in her bed LOL. Mary lived her life on her own terms. At the turn of the 20th century, that was beautifully courageous.
My mother dared to get a job in an office building instead of being relegated to service level jobs expected of PoC during her young adult life in 1973 in southern United States. Also, beautifully courageous.
To lead means you're shaping the future.
You aren't doing things the way they've always been done.
You are willing to rock the boat, stand your ground, and change the world.
If you need someone's approval to do your job, follow your passions or dreams, or to live freely, you may need to work to develop your courage.
Authenticity
No one else can be you except you. It's OK to pattern success, but it's not OK to copy people as a leader.
You perspective, your experiences, your background are unique to you and the way you lead and directly related to your value proposition to a company.
Increase your legitimacy by building honest relationships and alliances with others and ensure your personal values are built on an ethical foundation.